To bring the groom…or not?

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Brides constantly call to set an appointment, and end up picking a time three weeks from now “because it’s the only night [the groom] can be there.”  I have to politely explain, and explain again, that the groom doesn’t want to be there.  I’ve seen many a groom storm out frustrated, because there’s no time where the discrepancy is more evident between decision making styles than when shopping for invitations.  In fact, I would always leave a TV on muted across the room, so if a bride did bring her groom he could stare at the screen and zone out rather than getting angry and ruin her day.  Let me be very Mars & Venus in saying, and girls, memorize this forever, “Men don’t like choices.  They like vetoes.”  What I mean by that is I’ve never yet seen a man who wants to choose a top 50 list and whittle it down to a top 40 and eventually a top 3 over the course of hours and hours and hours.  After years of working in invitations, I couldn’t handle that myself when my wife started the process.  Men don’t need choices.  What men need, however, is veto power.  They never want to see the top 50, but they always want to see the top 6.  So for your first visit to the invitations store, don’t bring your groom–or bring him, but don’t get mad if he pulls out his iPod and starts watching Family Guy.  Sometime on your second or third visit, bring him.  Make him feel like he made the final choice and negotiated a price you couldn’t have gotten without him.  That’ll make your shopping experience pleasant and will save you all kinds of young couple agony as you learn to make decisions together and throughout your life.  And PS, read Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus sometime–hopefully together.

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